Farting Infection!!!

I love having a roommate..and you will know why in a exactly 2 minutes..

last night I was feeling a little bit feverish so my roommate felt kind of obligated to stay in and take care of her sick whiny friend..since there was nothing to watch on t.v but America's Got Talent...we ended up watching 2 hours of it...

after the first hour..Nick Cannon was presenting the next talent..

quoting NICK...
Nick Cannon: " PLEASEEEE WELCOMMMEEE THE BELLY DANCING DUOOOOOOO...PEOPLE PLZZZZ MAKE SOMEEEEEE NOISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

My roommate butt cheeks: fsssssssssssssssssssst (LOUD & DEADLY)

Me: you take what he says literally huh!!

and that was the end of a perfect sick night...literally

I Touch Myself...

Common symptoms of Depression:
• you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
• you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
• you feel hopeless and helpless
• you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
• you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
• you are much more irritable and short-tempered than usual
• you have thoughts that life is not worth living

Now, my symptoms of depression:
1- Taking long showers.
2- Masturbating multiple times a day.
3- Watching Porn then masturbating.
4- Drinking then masturbating.
5- Taking long showers again.
6- Checking facebook at 6 am. Going back to sleep and masturbating yet again.

Therefore, I am currently officially depressed!!

Halloween Horror @ mi Casa !

As I was peacefully drooling on my pillow dreaming about the Bahamas in the middle of the night, I suddenly jumped off the bed horrified by what I was seeing !! My loca roommate was standing in my room, it was pitch black except for her cell phone light reflecting on her scary forehead !!




Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH WHAT’S WRONG !!!


Her: DID YOU HEAR THAT !!


Me: No you’re dreaming … now get the **** out of my room !! outttttt


Her: I am scared can I sleep in your bed tonight ! hold me! 7araaaammmeee


Me: How old are you !!! 5 ?!?!?! get out and stop dreaming !!


So she FINALLY left, and …. Where was I ?? … oh yeah the Bahamas ahhhhh :)


Anyway it turned out she got scared of a damn newspaper !! NEWSPAPER !! the paper boy threw it, hitting the door !! a newspaper !! oh come onnnnnn !! Bye now, until my annoying roommate strikes again !!

This Could be Heaven or This Could be Hell !

After working in a Middle Eastern country , lets call it “conservo”, for 3 years…which was a sweet taste of living in hell..I decided to go back to the states for a while and recharge my mind and soul!! I know a lot of people can relate to my story..people that decide to focus on their careers by giving up a couple of years of their lives to work and save up for the later years..aha..right..well that doesn’t really work. Don’t get me wrong I love the Middle East..some of the culture, people, religion and of course food. However, it comes with a price. ur freedom..especially if you are one of the weaker gender as they call it. Anyway, long story short.. I went back to the U.S ..and the first thing I did was drive to the nearest jack in the box and order two tacos and a cheese burger..hmmmmmmmmm orgasmic!!

U.S. 101

As Delta’s Boeing 777 approached the runway of Atlanta’s airport, I saw the most horrifying thing ever, a fleet of tiny airplanes that look like toys, powered by hand fans !! I was not aware that these guys are using the same design that Wright brothers used !! Nevertheless, it was the best feeling when the I heard the flight attendant announcing on the mic. “Welcome to Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, the local time is 5 a.m., now get your asses out and don’t forget to take your crap with you”.
So, I took my 4 carry-on luggage (It’s my first time what do you expect !!) and walked into the airport. I have never seen so many black people gathered in one place in my life, I thought they were shooting some show for BET or summin !! So I called up my friend, who lives in the states, and said “abbaaaaihhh shino hatha wanasaaa chinni ga3da ib MTV killah niggaaas, min yimur wa7id yammi I whisper the song jigga jigga ma nigga… I can’t help it this is awesome I love all ma brodas and sistas yaw!!” so she gasped and told me “stop singing that song or you will get shot”. At that moment, a black girl passed by me and I started singing “jigga jigga ma nigga” very very quietly. Maw3a illa my friend “you know what, you’re such a T.K. racist mako fayda !!, i’ll see you in a few … if you’re still alive!”
…. And this is how it all began.