I Touch Myself...

Common symptoms of Depression:
• you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
• you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
• you feel hopeless and helpless
• you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
• you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
• you are much more irritable and short-tempered than usual
• you have thoughts that life is not worth living

Now, my symptoms of depression:
1- Taking long showers.
2- Masturbating multiple times a day.
3- Watching Porn then masturbating.
4- Drinking then masturbating.
5- Taking long showers again.
6- Checking facebook at 6 am. Going back to sleep and masturbating yet again.

Therefore, I am currently officially depressed!!

Halloween Horror @ mi Casa !

As I was peacefully drooling on my pillow dreaming about the Bahamas in the middle of the night, I suddenly jumped off the bed horrified by what I was seeing !! My loca roommate was standing in my room, it was pitch black except for her cell phone light reflecting on her scary forehead !!




Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH WHAT’S WRONG !!!


Her: DID YOU HEAR THAT !!


Me: No you’re dreaming … now get the **** out of my room !! outttttt


Her: I am scared can I sleep in your bed tonight ! hold me! 7araaaammmeee


Me: How old are you !!! 5 ?!?!?! get out and stop dreaming !!


So she FINALLY left, and …. Where was I ?? … oh yeah the Bahamas ahhhhh :)


Anyway it turned out she got scared of a damn newspaper !! NEWSPAPER !! the paper boy threw it, hitting the door !! a newspaper !! oh come onnnnnn !! Bye now, until my annoying roommate strikes again !!

This Could be Heaven or This Could be Hell !

After working in a Middle Eastern country , lets call it “conservo”, for 3 years…which was a sweet taste of living in hell..I decided to go back to the states for a while and recharge my mind and soul!! I know a lot of people can relate to my story..people that decide to focus on their careers by giving up a couple of years of their lives to work and save up for the later years..aha..right..well that doesn’t really work. Don’t get me wrong I love the Middle East..some of the culture, people, religion and of course food. However, it comes with a price. ur freedom..especially if you are one of the weaker gender as they call it. Anyway, long story short.. I went back to the U.S ..and the first thing I did was drive to the nearest jack in the box and order two tacos and a cheese burger..hmmmmmmmmm orgasmic!!

U.S. 101

As Delta’s Boeing 777 approached the runway of Atlanta’s airport, I saw the most horrifying thing ever, a fleet of tiny airplanes that look like toys, powered by hand fans !! I was not aware that these guys are using the same design that Wright brothers used !! Nevertheless, it was the best feeling when the I heard the flight attendant announcing on the mic. “Welcome to Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, the local time is 5 a.m., now get your asses out and don’t forget to take your crap with you”.
So, I took my 4 carry-on luggage (It’s my first time what do you expect !!) and walked into the airport. I have never seen so many black people gathered in one place in my life, I thought they were shooting some show for BET or summin !! So I called up my friend, who lives in the states, and said “abbaaaaihhh shino hatha wanasaaa chinni ga3da ib MTV killah niggaaas, min yimur wa7id yammi I whisper the song jigga jigga ma nigga… I can’t help it this is awesome I love all ma brodas and sistas yaw!!” so she gasped and told me “stop singing that song or you will get shot”. At that moment, a black girl passed by me and I started singing “jigga jigga ma nigga” very very quietly. Maw3a illa my friend “you know what, you’re such a T.K. racist mako fayda !!, i’ll see you in a few … if you’re still alive!”
…. And this is how it all began.